If they all walk away, will I be ok….
4 weeks into the year and I can see how easy it can be to succumb to the underpulling of noise. My very well censored and curated emails, TV selections and even social feeds contain a tinge of fear and apprehension vibrating through them. I tell my self I know better to shift my energy there, but sometimes its like the addict that needs a fix, I become sucked in, and I wobble around sliding down the rabbit hole. I saw this unfolding the other day, and instead I marched myself out into the yard, looked at the birds, squirrels, bare trees, sunshine and felt my body recenter, and begin to unwind my pinned shoulder blades. I truly did not believe that this “get out into nature shit” would work years ago, but trust me it does! It naturally grounds you and centers you.
When we can let ourselves focus on what we can control, and not what we have zero control over our bodies and minds thank us. We CAN control where we put our attention! We CAN control what we choose to watch! We CAN control who we spend time with and how much time we spend with them! We CAN control our social media feeds! We CAN control what we put in our bodies! We CAN control what we choose to read. Everything vibrates….choose wisely. The vibration you choose affects you more than you know. Energy follows energy, let that sink in.
When we start paring down who we spend time with and how much time we spend with them something typically happens, we panic. What will they think? Will I end up friendless or worse without friends and family? I recently expressed this to a coach I’m working with as I have been struggling with this concept deeply. I have abandonment issues, so when I start breaking away from friendships that no longer align with me, my anxiety shows up front and center. She challenged me to do something that if I’m honest scares the shit out of me. To imagine a world where everyone I know and love walks away, and I’m left with only myself. She said if you are totally abandoned, can you still love yourself? I do not believe I will ever be utterly alone, and I know most of my family loves me without conditions. I want to get to the place though that I know deep in my soul that if everyone was gone, that I truly would be in love with myself. No need for external gratification or validation, no need for people to prop me up, just a deep abiding love for myself. It feels like a place I would call home.
I refer to myself as a “Healer of Homes”. Our mind and soul are homes. Loving ourself wholly, tenderly and deeply. It feels like a beautiful mission to embark on in the Winter during the Year of the Snake (shedding our skins).
